my babes are dying, wanna watch?
you can’t hurt us any more;
mine’d enough, slow poison weights
each sigh – gonna look yet?
take your slick hands off my thigh
while that godforsaken wallet
ticks and counts desire as meaning
less, the interest paid reluctantly;
i’m choking, fool, touch us there
while the ocean fills with bones
forget me now 
‘slick’ as on oil? Very powerful, very clever.
yes indeed, Paul .. this was where the slick poem started .. sort of .. this tone … like i was saying to Emilio, i didn’t want to just do this through archetypical m/f scenario which would have worked but wasn’t big enough … the mundane needed to be in there too .. so in a way the last piece and this are part of one that i would like to meld but don’t know if i will .. there’s still a something missing so maybe i need to wait because the oil spill represents everything this species does at the moment .. and so much more as well …
damn, i so wish i had that cosmic “on” button then everything would be clear!
thank you thank you dear friend … your responses mean the world to me … and don’t even dally on your toes with a “yeah whatever” about that!
Shell,I had to read this one several times. I read it alone. Then with unhinged 1 and the revision. I feel like this is the raw base.
It is beautiful , the way you have captured horror using words.
you’re absolutely right, Emilio .. this is where the other hinge started … the base raw feel …
i get too many things running parallel in my mind and i can’t give the time to weld it all together … really both of these should be one … i can see it, taste it but i haven’t the time to make it happen … aarrgghh!
mind is ambitious, or maybe that’s muse … sometimes i wish i could snapshot my visions … painting’s not my thing but i seem to be getting more visual these days …
anyway, thank you, friend … yeah, you get all this stuff and i’m en-joyed …
mahalo+++++
Goodness, you are darling. Your poems are so deep, your visuals immaculate. I adore you. Please visit mine sometime, I would really appreciate your feedback.
Afternoon Tea
http://www.madisonreece.blogspot.com
madison! apologies for the delay in approving your kind words (i still get lost in the workings of this place) but, err … could we dispense with adorations?
your poetry is totally fascinating and i’ll certainly be reading you!!